yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
