I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
