I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
