i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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