This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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