I want you more than these girls want KFC
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
