Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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