I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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