highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
