So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
