I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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