She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
