Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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