I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
