I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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