3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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