I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
