I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
