After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
