Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
