i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
