We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
