It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
