oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
