somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
