i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
