where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
