That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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