Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
