So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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