Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
