wakey wakey hands off snakey
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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