its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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