Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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