quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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