So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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