I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
