I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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