in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
