i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
