Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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