Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
