i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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