I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
