where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
