am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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