between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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