He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
