How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
