We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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