And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
