So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
