Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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