i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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