Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
