I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
